


On the Church Steps

by SilkySatan



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Codependency, F/M, Joseph Christiansen/Mary Christiansen (mentioned), M/M, Pre-Canon, Robert Small/Other(s) (mentioned), Sad, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Unhealthy Relationships, angst kinda, la dispute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 19:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11607342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilkySatan/pseuds/SilkySatan
Summary: To document the difference between attraction and connection.





	On the Church Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Nine by La Dispute. Hopefully this makes sense lol

_I recall once on the church steps,_

_When I moved to kiss your chest,_

_How we paid such close attention_

_To each sweet and stuttered breath,_

_I should've stopped to paint our picture,_

_Captured honest pure affection,_

_Just to document the difference between attraction and connection_  
  
Joseph wrapped an arm across Robert’s shoulders, holding Robert’s head against his heart. He expected Robert to pull away, as he wasn’t usually one for tender moments, but he stayed. He would never tell Joseph, but he liked to listen to him breathe. The soft rhythm was soothing. He also didn’t mind being held in Joseph’s muscular arms.  
Robert hadn’t felt so connected to someone in a long time. Joseph didn’t necessarily understand him, but he accepted him without question. It was probably part of his whole Jesus-y schtick. Too many people were hung up on understanding. They wanted Robert to explain himself, justify his actions. What reason is there behind throwing rocks at stop signs or smashing bottles against the curb? Why should he need a reason? If there was one, he didn’t have the words for it. Joseph knew this, and didn’t mind it. He accepted Robert’s actions, accepted his silence as an answer of its own.  
Truthfully, though, Joseph didn’t feel connected to Robert. He was attracted to him and, though it wasn’t a shallow attraction, that’s all it was. He liked Robert’s delinquency and his ability to be carefree. It was sexy. Liberating. When he was with Robert he could pretend that he was untroubled. Pretend that his entire life wasn’t a carefully constructed facade. Robert was, at most, an addiction. An addiction to the relief from his own life. He didn’t need to understand because he didn’t love Robert. He loved the way Robert made him feel, and that was enough.  
In that moment, that oasis from the passage of time, they were perfect. They each had what they needed. Those needs being different didn’t reduce the affection in the moment. Joseph was happy to hold someone in his arms, and Robert was happy to be held.

_I can see all of my friends and_

_I break into empty buildings,_

_When the coast was clear,_

_With backpacks full of beer,_

_We'd throw our bottles from the rooftops_

_At the city; it looked endless._

_Guess I still don't see the difference between real purpose and that urgent adolescence._  
  
The last time Robert felt so loved was before he moved to the cul-de-sac. He had met his wife through mutual friends. Their first date was both unconventional and unplanned. He was with a group of friends and a few strangers, breaking into an abandoned office building. They trekked to the top floor and camped out there, blasting music and smashing windows. An hour or two into the party, he found the roof access and sneaked away with a 6 pack for some quiet. It just so happened that he wasn’t the only one with that idea, but his wife-to-be hadn’t thought to bring any beer, and so an alliance was formed. She got free beer, he got to talk to a pretty girl. He fell in love the minute she threw her empty bottle down onto the street below, just to watch it smash on the cement. There was no reason. There was no explanation. And he kissed her with all the same justifications.  
  
_And I remember in a basement sharing sweat_

_With all these stranger boys and girls,_

_"We'll change the world!" We sang,_

_"We'll change the world!" But,_

_Nothing seems to change and_

_They say none of them will listen,_

_But I still see much more power in that basement than in heartless politicians._  
  
The last time Joseph felt so free was when he first found his faith. He was young, but certainly not the youngest there. He had been invited to a youth group by a few of his friends, and he hadn’t had anything better to do. There was little talk of God, and lots of talk of change. These people wanted to spread kindness through the teachings of their faith, not worship a deity blindly. They upheld all of Joseph’s values, except they had someone upstairs backing them. Joseph thought that, with faith like that, he’d never have to be afraid to make change again. He saw that faith could open doors to make change like never before; he could find freedom through faith.

_And if we get beaten by this winter,_

_If we get strangled by regret, just_

_Let our love of life and tension_

_Gasp in sweet and stuttered breaths, and_

_Have them lay us in a basement,_

_Smash some bottles on the ground, and_

_Say we couldn't tell the difference between the feeling and the sound_  
  
For the time being, they had found a home in each other. They gave each other what they needed. Their lives became intertwined, each of their memories so familiar to the other that they became one. Their needs were different, but their affection was the same.

_Remember not our faulty pieces,_

_Remember not our rusted parts,_

_It's not the petty imperfections that define us but_

_The way we hold our hearts,_

_And the way we hold our heads,_

_I hope they write your names beside mine on my gravestone when I'm dead._

_And when we're dead let our voices carry on_

_To find a better song._

_To find a better song and sing along._  
  
Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Joseph loved Mary too much, and Robert didn’t love himself enough. But that wasn’t what mattered. Even as their relationship came to pass, their union remained. They would always belong together, in a way. They would always be what the other needed.


End file.
